Lately my expectation level are low.
I never felt it so powerful but today I did and I felt so good. It was crazy to think how the just thinking about another person can make things rosy.
Yes. I had butterflies in my stomach when I started to pour money
Bob Seger in his 1975 song Kathmandu has described Kathmandu as gateway from the chaos of Western Civilization and material life. Little did he knew how the very sacred land of the hippies in the 1970s has turned out to be a wasteland of unmanaged and greedy urbanization where quality air and water is a dream. Kathmandu has transferred itself as one of the most sick and polluted metropol on the face of Earth. I always wonder why people live in that wasteland?
Humans have evolved and have been able to change the face of earth. The three worded question of Who am I seems to be the hardest for us. So time has come for me to ponder who am I? One of these days, I have been asking myself the existential question : Who am I ? Why am I here? What is my purpose? I know how I am here. Strange isn’t it? It is amazing to think that the body that I call mine was probably billions kilo meters aways from where I currently exist. Yet everything came together to form me; to form this biological machine that can type these thoughts, can write a program to solve problems, enjoy a nice meal or seek gratification.
When I was a child we had to read a poem called ‘Who am I?‘ and back in those days I used to think what a silly question it was. I knew who I was. It was really easy back then because I had a very simplistic world view.Now my environment and my world has changed 180 degrees as I am grown up and these questions bothers me once in a while. I did not know much about how a small amount of chemical released in my blood can change who I might be next moment. Or is free will really free? One example is we are so driven by our instinct and the chemical changes in our body due to food we eat, the environment we live in and the millions years of evolution that we are what we eat and we are the product of our environment.
In my personal opinion we are here purposelessly. An accident. A biological machine that is complex and has conscience. Some are born with lack of proper chemical combination and they become murders, they become violent , becomes serial killer and terrorist. Those malformed machines.
Now to the purpose. We are here to learn. To explore and live and struggle everyday. We are here to pass our gene to next generation. This is our instinct. As humans machine. We are so intelligent that we created the concept of God and Evil. We invented technologies. We are programmed to be learner and explorer so that we will not be living a boring life. To seek new knowledge is what we are programmed to. People do not realise but every organism is here to learn. The evolution is doing it’s best to so that we learn and be better.
If we think from machine perspective, think about all the constraints involved in picking a glass of water from one table and placing it in another table.
Children in urban Nepal starts their schooling at the age of three or four depending upon the family. Most middle class family try their best to send their daughters and son to a English medium school. The tuition fee in these private schools in not regulated and they charge as much as they wish. There are ridiculous topics for collecting fee for example non-existent sports fee , weekly exam fee etc in addition to the monthly tuition fee. I had the opportunity to study in one of those schools and I studied mostly on scholarship and I understand the importance of such private English medium school. But with the pressure to get the best results the student are often put into extreme pressure where they are subjected to corporal punishment from an early age. The teacher are often gruesome dictator and they release all their anger upon their student which is sad. If there would be psychology screening for these teachers then 95% easily will come as psychologically unstable and illegible for teaching learning activity. I have seen gruesome treatment of student. It saddens me a lot to think about each incident now after so many years.
Learning should be fun. It should excite the pupil who participate in class. Everyday a new thing to learn. But in Nepal we are producing parrots. They might know everything but only few will come out and understand the real meaning of learning.
There is nothing beautiful than knowledge.
Nepal’s development has got a problem. It’s unplanned , unsustainable and ugly. This tiny beautiful country of mine lacks a mentality to change and think about health impact such ugly form of development and urbanization. Everytime when I think about Nepal, I think about what I can do to change the way people see waste management, air pollution and healthy living. Nepal is visitor’s heaven and a hell for those who live there. Kathmandu is a very fertile land and it should have been used for agriculture but we have created this ugly concrete jungle. If anyone wants to experience Hell, Welcome to Kathmandu. Extreme air pollution, virtually no traffic rule, the drain water runs outside, Bagmati river is just a big drainage. Everyone is busy selling and making money but what is the meaning of the money at the cost of health. I read a report about how the residents of Kathmandu are suffering from lung diseases.
One thing I don’t understand. Why are we so wild? Why are we so rude? Why do people have to blow horn every 5 seconds despite the fact that the traffic will not automatically move by blowing horn. From educated to non-educated. The other day I had this same talk with my wife and she told me “I just works like this here.”. I know I just works like this here but why? Why does it have to be like this?
My top concern about my country the thing that bothers me most is how lightly people are taking air pollution , water pollution and sound pollution as if it’s nothing. It has consequences. But what can a single person do? What can I do except walking instead of taking bike for short distance. Not blowing horn unless absolutely necessary. Being more polite at road and traffic. Yes, a single fellow. I hope there are more like me. I hope someday we will see a gradual change. I just hope.
Sometime I close my eyes and imagine clean roads. Clean air. No noise pollution. People not spitting randomly at road. How I wish it would be a reality when I open my eyes. Nepal you make me cry. You disappoint me. It’s not like I am running away from you. You pushing me away.
This Tuesday morning I was utterly happy. Things were rosy. The weather beautiful and when I was heading to office I was thinking about the task I would focus on as it had been stale for sometime. Then I had to do something in the server and I had ran rm command with “?” . Still unaware that I had done a mistake by running the command. I was told the other morning that I was very dangerous command to run. That was the moment I felt fuck – this is gonna be bad .
Lately I heard some speeches. Some coming out speeches by people who have discovered that they have a different gender identity. I would like to describe myself as a liberal who firmly believe people should be free to chose their faith, practise their faith without forcing it upon others, free to be what they are without being judged at. If you are born as a gay or lesbian or born in a wrong body. I believe in freedom of people to work hard to achieve their goal. I am a firm believer of democracy and freedom of speech.
Despite that I agree to disagree on the line most gay or lesbian people use, proud to be gay. I mean what’s there to be proud? You are just born that way. It’s not an accomplishment. It’s not as if you had an option.